Yep well i couldn't stay away, at least not while people are so crazy as they is. Have to share my stories.
Today was one o them work breakfasts u know. Where they lure u in w good free tucker when u sposed to be working & too late u realise u are hooked on a line & they're getting the gaff... Theres an hour worth of speeches to come.
Ok but today was luvverly all pretty in the refectory which has some huge apocalyptic mural across the wall that I love to stare at cos i have absolutely no idea what its about.. But i love it for that very thing i guess. Like why is that naked guy putting a hat on the scarecrow with the head made of a fruit? Why is that other man leaned like that? What is that, an astronaut? A fitting place for a meeting arranged by bosses who are just as mysterious in their mental functioning.
One of their recent tortures has been to inflict upon the serfs to make a presentation to them about what their teams do but without using technology like powerpoint. Pergatory for an IT pro. Like sending out spartacus to fight with a banana. This kind o thing was right up my alley, but, and i even volunteered to do it for my team wd u believe.. but got knocked back by my teem leed, silly man.
Anyway we got a repeat of 2 of the bosses faves.
One was so forgettable that i dunno who it was. The other was so fucking awful that i blocked most of it out, and when i dared to look up from refolding my napkin over n over i could see everyone in the surroundin tables cringing with embarrassment and clutching their heads grimly. but what i remember was it was audio visual team, 3 of, wearing chefs hats on stage, talking utter shit - they are iron chef, they said, as they explained to a room full of IT professionals how important AV are cos they cant always use out of the box solutions for their work and sometimes they have to solve problems! (You mean like every single person in this room does constantly in their jobs cos they work in IT?)
They didn't use big words like those ones, they used the most patronising possible little words way of explaining to 100 granmas how to suck eggs, using kitchen paraphenalia to demnstrate how a pointy stick thing doesnt fit in a rectangular baking tray but it does fit in a round one, thus displaying complete lack of mental capacity or ability to either cook or make up metaphors that make any sense at all.
Sadly they understand so little about IT that they congratulate themselves for solving problems and smugly believe this shows their superiority over the drones. They show us a VGA cable and a cat5 cable and look at the difference!
It was so cringeworthy that nobody could even speak afterwards. Everybody despaired inside. But also, it was like we had a choir of downs syndrome ppl on stage and it'd be mean to criticise.
Our management believe they're great, cos they keep saying they are.
What planet is our management from, again?
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